People Buy the Dumbest Stuff

Originally published: Sunday, January 14, 2007 at 8:37am

I went to IKEA last weekend (as you would know if you'd seen the strangely titled photos I posted in one album), and really got a better grasp on why other countries may think we're a bunch of idiots.

Exhibit A: the Big Yellow Bag

 

People come to IKEA for ONE THING, and then they pick up the BYB and start looking at throw pillows and bedskirts saying things like, "Well, isn't this a bargain?" Subconsciously they are thinking "I'll bet this could fit in the BYB..."

 

 To explain, you go there and "for your shopping convenience" they have the Big Yellow Bag (see photo) for you to borrow whilst shopping. Now, the BYB is bigger and yellower than any bag ever should be. It's made that big so you feel stupid if you only put one thing in it, wasting a lot of BYB available space. It would feel like you were that person who lives alone and drives a Hummer around, ruining the world.

 

We're Americans and we can't help wanting to use all of our available resources, so you see people in IKEA trying to stuff all of the throw pillows and shower curtains on God's green earth into the BYB. Not only are we buying stuff we don't need, but we look hideous while doing it, almost like a tackier, yellower Santa who gives presents to himself.

There were these bundles of sticks that all these people kept stopping to look at. "Man, these are some great sticks. Imagine the possibilities!"

Then, there's the issue of buying things that Nature gives you for free. At IKEA they were selling large bundles of sticks. Granted, they were cleaner than "fresh" ones, but no. Just no. Next to them were pine cones and other forrest contraband. I'm not sayin' I don't think they look kinda cool in a vase but are you really going to BUY them?

 

You might argue, "But what about those poor souls who don't live near trees, but want the joys of nature in their house?" Well, all I can say is that deforrestation in the name of their vase-decorating "needs" could be linked to the reason for the large distances between those people and real Nature. Not only that, but I can just see people in Brazil going, "They buy WHAT in America? [Except in Portuguese] Hahahahaha!" I mean, laughing at us.

 

Or maybe it's just me laughing at us. Well, me and the Swedes that own IKEA