Originally posted: Saturday, February 9, 2008 at 9:03am
Context: I was in college and, hence, more likely to be in strange places at odd hours with eccentric people.
Firstly, I have to say that I honestly believe that people wait to do/say weird things until they're around me. Seriously. I believe that people are pretty normal until they get within a certain distance, and then they turn weird, because I swear I hear and see the strangest things all the time. It's like I attract it. Or maybe I encourage it.
With that, I heard some good ones in the past few days. So enjoy.
1:30 this morningReally drunk girl: *walking by outside, shouting* I'm a freaking DIVA!
Guy walking with her: Really? Because you just threw up back there.
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Girl in my office: I hear that CostCo has some pretty good opta-- ops--- obstetricians...
Me: Do you mean "optometrists?"
Girl: No, obsta...*eyes get wide* ...yeah, optometrists.
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12:15 A.M. at a taco stand in South Los Angeles with friends
Homeless man: Hey guys, I don't wanna tell you my whole life story or anything, but lemme tell you what: I'm going to try to surprise you, and if you're not surprised you don't have to give me anything.
Carlos: *whispering to us* Please don't let him pull his pants down.
Homeless man: Here I go...
*all of us start edging backwards*
Homeless man: (singing) Je-e-e-e-e-e-e-sus! Y-o-o-o-u are-- *waves had around* m-i-i-i-i-ne!
Another guy nearby: Hey! He sang that last night --and he was better then! Tonight's version smells like beer...
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Sitting for lunch in one of the university dining halls
Friend who I shall call "Sean": What's wrong with that guy's HAIR?
Me: I don't know.
Sean: But LOOK at it! Why is it like that?
Me: I don't know --I'm not a hair specialist.
Sean: But it's all... it's gone in some parts but really long on the other side. Do you think it's some religious hair cut?
Me: Seriously? Let it go.
Sean: ... there's something wrong. I'm going to find out.
Showing posts with label USC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label USC. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Bouncy Balls - BALLIN'!
Originally published: Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 8:31pm
I don't usually gamble.
I don't get a thrill from it and I like keeping my money too much. But my new habit has become an addiction, perhaps worse than gambling.
I'm addicted to a little quarter machine game in Olympian Burger on Vermont Avenue near USC. For one quarter you can win up to 3 bouncy balls! THREE! I did it as a joke at first, since the fact that I have to hunch over to play it tells me that it's made for 5 year olds.
But now I have almost 150 bouncy balls in my room.
And you can only do so much with them. I dropped them all down the stairwell in my building (which was awesome), and I got into a bouncy ball fight with a few people (which was awesome until we-- until I --realized that some people are babies and will get all dramatic if you throw one stupid ball wrong and it hits them in the face).
It's gotten bad though, because now when I get change back, all I think about is how many bouncy balls it'll get me...
PS in case you ever wondered what it would look like, here's what 250,000 bouncy balls look like when they're launched down a San Francisco street.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP5J4W5GQ3w
I don't usually gamble.
I don't get a thrill from it and I like keeping my money too much. But my new habit has become an addiction, perhaps worse than gambling.
I'm addicted to a little quarter machine game in Olympian Burger on Vermont Avenue near USC. For one quarter you can win up to 3 bouncy balls! THREE! I did it as a joke at first, since the fact that I have to hunch over to play it tells me that it's made for 5 year olds.
But now I have almost 150 bouncy balls in my room.
And you can only do so much with them. I dropped them all down the stairwell in my building (which was awesome), and I got into a bouncy ball fight with a few people (which was awesome until we-- until I --realized that some people are babies and will get all dramatic if you throw one stupid ball wrong and it hits them in the face).
It's gotten bad though, because now when I get change back, all I think about is how many bouncy balls it'll get me...
PS in case you ever wondered what it would look like, here's what 250,000 bouncy balls look like when they're launched down a San Francisco street.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP5J4W5GQ3w
My Christmas shopping is out of control
Originally published: Monday, December 18, 2006 at 10:54pm
Context: I was a freshman in college with a part-time job.
My shopping practices this year have spiraled out of control. My family is growing at an alarming rate, and I can't seem to keep up in the Presents Department.
Basically, I wish I could give everyone a Christmas present that was super cool, and not made out of popsicle sticks and tin foil, but to be honest, I'm going broke really fast.
I have just realized how many people I've been shopping for: 11 people. 11 PEOPLE just in my family!!! This happened over the course of the year after gaining a step-family on my dad's side, and two other people in my family getting engaged. I was tempted to start doing the and-this-present-is-for-EVERYONE-to-share thing, but I had already bought a bunch of individual presents that I couldn't necessarily return, so I'm stuck buying and buying and buying.
I'm a poor college student! I mean, I would be happy to get lots of bottled water, chewing gum, and microwaveable food for Christmas. I really don't need more stuff -- dorms are tiny, in case you haven't noticed. Somehow, though, I doubt that my step-sister would be terribly impressed with three packs of Wrigley's and a Cup of Noodles on Christmas Eve.
And after spending so much on my family, it hasn't left much funds for friends' presents. I am stuck.
Context: I was a freshman in college with a part-time job.
My shopping practices this year have spiraled out of control. My family is growing at an alarming rate, and I can't seem to keep up in the Presents Department.
Basically, I wish I could give everyone a Christmas present that was super cool, and not made out of popsicle sticks and tin foil, but to be honest, I'm going broke really fast.
I have just realized how many people I've been shopping for: 11 people. 11 PEOPLE just in my family!!! This happened over the course of the year after gaining a step-family on my dad's side, and two other people in my family getting engaged. I was tempted to start doing the and-this-present-is-for-EVERYONE-to-share thing, but I had already bought a bunch of individual presents that I couldn't necessarily return, so I'm stuck buying and buying and buying.
I'm a poor college student! I mean, I would be happy to get lots of bottled water, chewing gum, and microwaveable food for Christmas. I really don't need more stuff -- dorms are tiny, in case you haven't noticed. Somehow, though, I doubt that my step-sister would be terribly impressed with three packs of Wrigley's and a Cup of Noodles on Christmas Eve.
And after spending so much on my family, it hasn't left much funds for friends' presents. I am stuck.
Coming Soon: Old Notes from Facebook
I decided to shift my memo-writing and deep (snicker) introspections to this blog, and have also decided to copy my backlog of Facebook "Notes" from my college days to this blog as well. This way I can streamline my writing and add tags, etc. as needed.
So, here comes a blast from the past!
So, here comes a blast from the past!
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